Steve Bell's Published Books
This is a comprehensive, detailed catalogue of all 30 Steve Bell books plus three catalogues. Most of the ones pre-1999 are out of print. Certain titles are available for direct sale, please email steve@belltoons.co.uk for further information, otherwise try the second hand market.
If... Stands Up
A new satirical extravaganza from one of Britain's best-loved political cartoonists
Steve Bell's If... cartoon strip in the Guardian attracted generations of loyal readers. If... Stands Up is his hilarious commentarv on the past six years of
political madness.
Unmissable highlights include a Jubilee fly-past over Buckingham Palace bv Boris ohnsons bottom. Liz Truss taking back control of her own
eyeballs. A dead-horse race between zombie "Treeza' May and pink rubber fiend David Cameron, towing his bijou shepherds hut, Rishi Sunak
flogging the skeletal remains of Margaret Thatcher. Donald Trump with a golden toilet seat brain. And Keir Starmer, aka Keeves the butler,
assuring the toffs that 'the below-stairs movement is realigning its values with those of the British people. If... Stands Up also keeps a gimlet eve on Charles and the Royals.
Bell draws an unforgettable picture of a nation that has left reality behind.
Why did the chlorinated chicken cross the Atlantic? Who needs hell when you have the Conservative Party? Might the Labour leadership simply be robots in disguise? In a world of war and chauvinism, Bell picks himself up and goes in search of a new source of laughs.
In this, if nothing else, Westminster politics rarely disappoints.
Steve Bell has drawn, mainly for the Guardian, for over forty years. He is best known for the daily strip If.. and has won countless awards. Bell lives and continues to draw in Brighton.
'One of the great cartoonists of our times' Alan Rusbridger
'the greatest cartoonist, political or otherwise, of my lifetime' Philip Pullman
Published by Verso, October 1st 2024 (paperback, 192pages) £16.99GBP/ $24.95/ $33.95CAN
ISBN-13 978-1-80429-883-1
You can buy it directly here versobooks.com.
The Windsor Tapestry
This is the story of Prince, later King Charles, from 1980 to 2023, told in pictures, drawn and mainly published at the time it happened, and accompanied by Charles's own words, as imagined by Steve Bell. It was co-edited and translated by Olivier Auvray. The exhibition 'La Tapisserie de Windsor' originally took place in October 2023 was part of the 42nd annual Festival of caricature at the Centre International de la Caricature, du Dessin de Presse et d'Humour in St Just Le Martel near Limoges in France.
Published as a catalogue, in French and English, October 2023, in English and French, November 2024 (paperback, 92 pages)
You can buy it directly via email steve@belltoons.co.uk for further information.
Corbyn The Resurrection
In this book, Bell has compiled an unmissable selection of his caustically witty cartoons charting the Labour leader's ascension amid the country's best attempts to tear itself apart. From an unforgettable Star Wars borrowing depicting Jez-Bi-Wan Conorbyn's leadership saga, to Bell's savagely gleeful account of Theresa May's 2017 snap general election disaster and beyond, the result is an endlessly entertaining chronicle of Corbyn's path from unelectable-Stalinist-Trotskyist-terror-apologist to former Prime-Minister-in-waiting.
'Fuck off and die' Hugo Rifkind, The Times
'Nazi cunt' Giles Coren, The Times
'This is the most humble day of my life!' Rupert Murdoch
Published by Faber & Faber (Guardian Faber), Autumn 2018 (paperback, 188pages)
ISBN 978--783-35160-2
And now three catalogues, French, English and German:
Bell Brochette
This catalogue, compiled for an exhibition of the same name, was written edited and translated by Olivier Auvray. The exhibition 'Bell Brochette - Les Presidents de la Republique francaise vus par Steve Bell' which took place in October 2020 was part of the 39th annual Festival of caricature at the Centre International de la Caricature, du Dessin de Presse et d'Humour in St Just Le Martel near Limoges in France. The magnificent cover drawing of Bell is reproduced by kind permission of the artist Leonardo Rodriguez (leonardorodriguez.net). The photo of Hollande is copyright SALLAUD Thierry.
It covers over forty years of French politics and six French Presidents: Valery Giscard d'Estaing, Francois Mitterrand, Jacques Chirac, Nicolas Sarkozy, Francois Hollande and Emmanuel Macron as seen by Steve Bell.
Because of travel restrictions Bell was unable to attend the Festival, but Francois Hollande, who did, said that it was necessary to:
"defendre les dessinateurs qui, parce qu'on ne veut choquer personne, disparaissent petit a petit des publications. Une caricature doit inciter a reflechir. Il faut decrypter le message."
"defend cartoonists who, in order to avoid offending anyone, are gradually disappearing from publications. A cartoon should encourage reflection. It's up to us to work out the message"
Published by Olivier Auvray, December 2020 (paperback, 124 pages)
ISBN 2-9-910704-53-X
Available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk
Bell Epoque
Thirty Years of Steve Bell. The catalogue for the May 2011 exhibition at the Cartoon Museum compiled, written and edited by Anita O'Brien and Chris Miles. With contributions from Terry Jones, Nicholas Garland, Geoffrey Strachan and Simon Hoggart. Includes an extensive interview with the artiste himself.
Cartoon Museum 2011 (paperback, 144 pages)
ISBN: 978-0-9537263-5-6
Available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk or you can buy it via the Cartoon Museum Shop here:
cartoonmuseumshop.org
Steve Bell: Im Auge Des Zeichners
The catalogue for the February 2011 exhibition at the Wilhelm Busch Museum in Hannover, foreword by Dr Gisela Vetter Liebenow, written by Karl Janke, and designed by Sebastian Peetz.
Das Deutsche Museum fur Karikatur und Zeichenkunst Wilhelm Busch 2011, (paperback, 146 pages, limited edition of 200 copies, individually inscribed by SB)
ISBN: 978-3-921752-54-x
If... The Graphic Novel
For a third of a century the 'If...' strip has told the dark tale of life in the UK, as inflicted on us by a gallery of political cartoon characters, and as experienced by a load of penguins.
Today the 'If...' strip has finally come into its own as a graphic novel, a cultural event, and a towering work of visionary genius and narrative power.
Savage, funny, rude, transgressing all the rules of good taste and beautifully drawn, this book covers the last five years of the coalition government and brings the sorry saga right up to date.
'outrageous, anarchic, brilliant, sometimes inexplicable and a bit mad (not really)' John Pilger
'When are you going to take that condom off my head?' David Cameron
'Never!!!' the late Reverend Ian Paisley
Published by Jonathan Cape, May 2015 (hardback, 228pages)
ISBN: 9780224102124
If... Bursts Out
This Bumper, shelf-busting volume tells the story of the death of New Labour, from the cartoon riots of 2006 to the arrival of the ConLibDemolition in 2010.
Written and drawn in full colour, Steve Bell's sharp-as-a-tack commentary takes on politics, the planet and everything in between.
Marvel at Gordon Brown's progress from Iron Chancellor to Saviour of the World to Rochdale
Ogle at Silvio Berlusconi's false tits
Watch Cherie Blair loose track of her equipment
Weep as Prudence dies in the financial meltdown
Celebrate as Dubya disappears and Obama bounds onstage
Thrill as the three party leaders join in a televised debate where hairstyles are blown up out of all proportion
Gape as Nick Nobody inspires Cleggmania and the Camerondom disappears beneath a humping heap of lascivious toads
Published by Jonathan Cape, November 2010 (hardback, 400pages)
ISBN: 9780224087629
My Vision for a New You
You can be successful just like Tony Blair. Use this guide and you can reach your goals. Don't and you won't.
Steve Bell dreamed up this book based on long imaginary conversation with Britain's most powerful man. In his day job Steve Bell is an award winning political cartoonist for the Guardian.
Read this book and you could become Prime Minister, or you could do it the hard way.
Methuen 2006 (hardback)
ISBN 10: 0-413-77593-3 ISBN 13: 978-0-413-77593-1
Available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk
If... Marches On
Where do penguins march to?
What do they do when they get there?
How tight are Tony Blair's pants?
What is it that politicians can't keep in their trousers?
What kind of creature was William Hague?
Does George Bush have anything in common with the Arctic Monkeys?
These are some of the questions that may or may not be answered by this book. In time honoured tradition, IF... Marches On contains a huge dose of Steve Bell's IF... cartoons, stripped from their usual habitat in the pages of the Guardian. But for this edition there is a difference. This magnificent beast of a book is in full vibrant colour.*
*except where its in black and white
Methuen 2006 (hardback)
ISBN 10: 0-413-77571-2 ISBN 13: 978-0-413-77571-9
Available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk
Apes of Wrath
This is the shocking story of the War on Terror in glorious colour.*
Apes of wrath brings together in one volume Steve Bell's viciously funny visual record of the Bush presidency and the Blair sycophancy with a colourful running commentary straight from the monkey's mouth.
It's all here, from Poppy Bush's first stormin' desert excursion in 1991 to the madness of George II's Baghdad bash. Read it and prepare to be blitzed!
*Terms and conditions apply; some imagery may be in monochrome at the artists discretion.
Methuen 2004 (hardback)
ISBN: 0 413 77450 3
Available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk
The Unspeakable If...
Unspeakable Boom! Bam!
Unspeakable Bum! Balls!
Unspeakable Bush! Blair!
Unspeakable Bong! Bell!
Let's face it, the last couple of years have been bloody UNSPEAKABLE. Ever since September 11th Bush'n'Blair, the most unlikely pairing since Atilla the Hun met Muffin the Mule, have been monkeying around with the world. War is the new war and from Kuwait to right up the Khyber they've given us plenty of it. Here at last is the antidote: Steve Bell's latest climactic chathartic and crazily funny collection of IF... strips from the pages of the Guardian. Its almost UNPRINTABLE.
Methuen 2003 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 412 77357 4
Unstoppable If...
Steve Bell is undeniably the best political cartoonist in Britain today, unerring in his scathing and wickedly funny visual take on the world and uninhibited with his scatological and inventive commentary. It's unimaginable what some politicians will do to get themselves sent up and now you can follow the story of Blair's first four years in this latest collection of the unrivalled IF... strips from the Guardian.
From the unprecedented New Labour victory through the unbelievable multiple resignations of Mandelson, the unparalleled Fat Blokes saga, the unthinkable foot and mouth outbreak and the unbridled generosity of the Iron Chancellor, ever onwards to the inevitable and not unexpected General Election of 2001 and beyond, this book is truly UNSTOPPABLE.
"One of the most..." "...brilliant artists"
Tony Blair, Brighton 26.9.2000
"I couldn't do better myself"
- Mousieur L'Artiste, Calais 2.4.2001
"Fantastic creation"
Lord God Almighty, Heaven 7.6.2001
Methuen 2001 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 75990 3
Chairman Blair's Little Red Book (with Brian Homer)
For younger readers:
Chairman Mao was the communist leader in revolutionary China. His little Red Book contained his key ideas and was used by young cadres during the Cultural Revolution. It was red and little.
For older readers:
Chairman Blair is Prime Minister of the United Kingdom. His Little Red Book contains his key ideas for use in campaigning and electioneering. Fittingly and in accordance with the New Third Way colour thinking, his Little Red Book is blue.
Methuen 2001 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 76000 6
Bell's Eye
Thatcher's Eyeballs, Major's Underpants, Blair's Bollocks.
For over twenty years Steve Bell, the award winning cartoonist, satirist and all-round piss-taker has been recording the follies, foibles and f*** ups of contemporary politics.
This special omnibus collection contains his best drawings from the last two decades and three prime ministerial regimes.
Methuen 1999 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 72540 5
The If... Files
IF... you can keep your head while all around are cloning theirs and grafting them on you...
IF... you can make a pie of worn out beef and eat it, then make a lottery of all your brains...
IF... you can meet with Blair and Major and treat those tory tossers just the same...
IF... you can nail an effigy of Thatcher and make a joke of God and Queen...
IF... you can toy around with politicians and stay acute but not too clean...
IF... you can labour fifteen years in the back pages of The Guardian...
Then... you are Steve Bell and you are Strip Cartoonist of the Year my son!!!
Steve Bell's new book is compiled from Guardian strips and inexplicable FBI election documents that prove beyond rational explanation that THE PANTS ARE OUT THERE!
Methuen 1997 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 72230 9
Live Briefs (with Simon Hoggart)
Steve Bell and Simon Hoggart are two of the sharpest satirists on the Guardian. Bell is the award-winning cartoonist who delights readers with drawings in the same savage tradition as Rowlandson and Gillray. Hoggart's daily parliamentary sketches are always biting and often hilarious.
Together they have combined to produce Live Briefs, without doubt the wittiest and the fiercest look yet at the bizarre world of contemporary British politics.
Relive the great beef fiasco, in which the Government blamed the opposition for the poison in our food. Gasp again at the Scott Inquiry in which Ministers lied to MPs, but were excused because 'they were not duplicitous'. Learn the secrets of Michael Fabricant's hair, Michael Heseltine's bald patch, and John Major's iconic underwear.
Once in a generation a new book appears which changes the way we look at politics and forces us to examine again the structure of out democracy. This is not that book, but on the other hand, it will make you laugh for hours.
Methuen 1996 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 70970 1
The Big If...
It's back and it's bigger than ever. The foul-mouthed penguin with the beak of gold in the book that tells his story. Anything can happen in a strip cartoon, and in Steve Bell's daily IF... strip in the Guardian it frequently does. Thrill to the adventures of the Lone Parent and Tonto. Marvel at the exploits of Bambi in his quest for the Pants of Power. Gape as Socks the President's daughter's cat grapples with his fish problem and grit your teeth as John Major carries on regardless. Like the penguin, this book is big, bold and black and white. Experience a feast of fun, fact, fantasy and filth in this bumper comic history of the last two years.
'This book is larger than life'
the late Robert Maxwell
'Like Chechnya, I couldn't put it down'
Boris Yeltsin
'I couldn't pick it up'
John Major
'It's so big I could kiss it'
The Pope
'Not as big as my salary'
The Gasman of British Chair
Methuen 1995 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 69770 3
For Whom Bell Tolls
A collection of the very best of the leader page cartoons from the Guardian by award-winning cartoonist Steve Bell, one of Britain's most consistently incisive and hilarious satirists. For Whom Bell Tolls spans the years from the political demise of Thatcher to Major's Long hot summer of 1994.
Steve Bell, creator of the Guardian newspapers IF... strip, was awarded the prize for Cartoonist of the Year 1993 in the What the Papers Say Awards. The judges said, 'He could have taken this award several times over the last dozen years. What's made him unmissable in 1993 has been the confirmation of the expansion of his range... His depiction of John Major with his grey underpants over his trousers has all but become the universal standard.'
'It is nonsense, isn't it? It was nonsense from the beginning, is nonsense and is intended just to destabilise me and so I ignore it.' John Major (on Bell's caricature)
'No other cartoonist has captured John Major's sheer nerdiness so hilariously... Steve Bell is the best political cartoonist we have.' The Sunday Times
Methuen 1994 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 69070 9
If... Bottoms Out
You can bet your bottom dollar that at the end of the day the bottom line is that the tunnel is not going to be open in time for you to see the light at the end of it. We're in a hot seat but it's a British hot seat. Just keep whistling in the dark until they close the bottomless pit once and for all.
And if you want to be fundamentally at ease with yourself you can do no better than to sit it out with this new collection of IF... cartoons from the back end of the Guardian. It'll set your pants on fire.
Methuen 1993 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 7493 1505 9
Available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk
If... Goes Down the John
The True Tale of a remarkably satisfactory innings that led to victory.
Things looked bad. His side needed 326 to win and time was running out. Only one man had the balls to say he could do it in singles. One man alone at the crease assisted only by a large number of national newspapers, the city, the Banks, an undisclosed sum of money, the CBI, the CIA, MI5, MI6 and the divine intervention of Dame Barbara Cartland.
The man was John Major, the caring guy with the warm handshake and the Social Fund loan, who had himself looked poverty in the eye and given it one of his nicest smiles. Confident and fiscally prudent with an eleven billion pound asset hole, a man with a plan at the helm of a Nation at ease with itself.
Now at long last you can possess in one small volume the complete ball-by-ball account of John Major's record breaking first innings as it appeared daily from the pen of Silly Mid-off cartoonist Steve Bell in the pages of the Guardian newspaper.
Methuen 1992 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 7493 1144 4
If... Kicks Butt
No news is good news, too much news is bad news, but bad news is good news for those who own the news, and news for the goose is sauce for the gander.
From the year of General Mayhem and Major Disaster, the ninth annual collection of IF... strips from the Guardian sets the record straight.
Methuen 1991 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 7493 0816 8
Funny Old World (with Roger Woddis)
And spurning the multitudes, she went into private session with her leading prelates.
And she opened her mouth, and taught them, saying:
Blessed are the rich in pocket: for theirs is the freedom of choice.
Blessed are they that screw the poor: for they shall be rewarded.
During the last years of Thatcher and Reagan and the first months of Bush and Major some of the funniest and most savage comments on world affairs appeared in the pages of the New Statesman and Society, in the form of full colour cartoons by Steve Bell and hilariously acid verses by Roger Woddis.
Funny Old World is a collection of the best of Bell and Woddis from 1988 to 1991. It brings together for the first time the sharpest work of two of Britain's most consistently incisive satirists.
Methuen 1991 (hardback and paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 65950 X
Paperback available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk
The Revolutionary If...
The old Order is changing in Europe. The Germans have dismantled the Berlin Wall and the British have dismantled their sewage system. New thinking and new ideas are abroad. At home there is the Poll Tax and Mad Cow Disease. In this ever changing universe one reference point remains constant, throbbing and twinkling in the far reaches of The Guardian newspaper. This is the eighth annual collection of IF... strips from the year that said Hello Havel and Ciao Ceaucescu.
'Mankind was born free and is everywhere in chainstores.' K.Marx
'What is to be done with my spinning corpse?'
V.I. Lenin
'You dirty rat'
J.Cagney
Methuen 1990 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 63840 5
The Vengeance of If...
PUNGENT PENGUIN-PACKED PAGES OF SEARING SATIRE FROM THE MOST SCATHINGLY SAVAGE DAILY COMIC STRIP OF THE CENTURY, ANY CENTURY. - The Guardian
'Palm-sweating tension, tension so taut the smallest development explodes in the reader's head.' The Publisher
'A heart-rending epic of violence, love, passion, pain, triumph and tragedy. the book for every woman who thought she knew herself and for every man who thought he knew a woman or a penguin.' The Publisher's Friend
'This book is not a book. It is a marvellous experience.' New Sycophant
'Had me on the edge of my seat... Aaaaaaaarrgghh!!!' Ayatollah Khomeini
Methuen 1989 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 61940 0
If... Breezes In
A natural disaster? An Act of God? No, it's the collection of IF... cartoons from the year of the Great Wind. The cartoon strip that appears every day in a different place in the stylish hew Geddup'n'Go Guardian. The strip that dares to Fart in the Face of Thatcherism.
'A Breath of Fresh Air' The Bowelopener
'Lets itself down through repeated use of cheap toilet humour' Proctology Today
'A real trouser splitter' Literary Review
'An absolute stinker' What Gummer
Methuen 1988 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 18830 2
Maggie's Farm - The Last Roundup
At Last! Maggie's Farm bites back. After a period of grazing on the pages of London's City Limits magazine here it is: the cartoon they couldn't corral, by Steve Bell, the untamed creator of the IF... strip cartoon in The Guardian. Is this the last roundup for the forces of evil or will the zombies return from the pit? This cartoon history of the last five years is a shiveringly good read.
Some pre-publication reviews of this book:
'The political analysis on page 55 is printed in the wrong colour.'
The Face
'The whole concept needs a redesign by a man with a Porsche.'
New Socialist
Methuen 1987 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 15880 2
If... Bounces Back
A Bouncing Bundle of sleek'n'snappy strip cartoons from the year of fear. The year when safe sex and perilous politics were back with a vengeance; Divine Vengeance. Only Steve Bell's IF... cartoon in The Guardian could fearlessly feed off the funny side of this farrago of fuck-ups.
'Almost obscene.' House of Lords, March 1987.
Methuen 1987 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 15890 X
The Unrepeatable If...
Another searing annual blast of the smash hit daily strip cartoon from the soaraway small ads page of The Guardian.
Featuring:
- Biting black and white drawings and a riot of hand crafted lettering.
- 160 individually opening pages.
- Over half-an-inch thickness.
Methuen 1986 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 14440 2
Waiting for the Upturn (with Brian Homer)
They were Multi-Millionaire Men about Town. They went on a Mission, a Mission of Discovery. They came to an offshore, post-industrial wasteland. They had to find the Potential, the Concept, the Product that would turn this bananaless ex-empire around and make it pay.
They were Maxwell Mouth and Ward F. Trousers. This Book tells their story.
Waiting for the Upturn presents a never-before attempted combination of photo-realism and cartoono-verite by Steve Bell, Britain's largest political cartoonist, creator of the IF... strip and Maggie's Farm, and Britain's baldest photographer, Brian Homer, designer of the IF... books.
Note to the librarians: file under JOKE ECONOMICS
Methuen 1986
ISBN: 0 413 58660 X (hardback) ISBN: 0 413 42220 8 (paperback)
Hardback available for direct sale at steve@belltoons.co.uk
Another Load of If...
A third full year's worth of the strip cartoon published daily in The Guardian.
'We have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat.'
Falkland Islands Tourist Board
'Looks like you've got me bang to rights, guv'nor.'
Sir Michael Havers QC
'Nyaaaaa, facket!!!' A.Parrot
Methuen 1985 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 58670 7
If... Only Again
Another collection of the strip cartoon published daily in The Guardian.
This was the year in which the Iron Lady's rivets began to drop out.
What the papers say about this book:
'Distasteful underground humour.'
What Bunker Monthly
'Unfair.'
Nepotism Today
What the Penguin says about the papers:
The Sun 'Lotsa pork pies with lotsa sauce.'
The Times 'Much better since they introduced one million pound Spot-the-Stiff.'
Daily Mail 'It makes my bum sore.'
Methuen 1984 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 56600 5
The If... Chronicles
This is the strip cartoon that appears daily in the far reaches of The Guardian newspaper, and is written and drawn by Steve Bell, possibly Britain's largest political cartoonist.
It tells the story of a year in the life of a banana republic which has no bananas, whose rulers include Tarzan, an Iron Lady and a well known Cyclopath.
It follows, amongst other things, the adventures of a South Atlantic penguin who bites back, a Chief of Police with an appetite for monkeys, and, crossing the Atlantic, tells the moving story of the relationship between a Talking Mule and a misunderstood cowboy.
Above all it commemorates that great spirit which is embodied in Margaret Thatcher's determination to yield 'Not One Fish'.
Methuen 1983 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 413 53970 9
Further Down Maggie's Farm
More instalments of Maggie's Farm together, as never before, with IF... from the Guardian, plus a guest appearance from Lord God Almighty.
'Gung-ho' Daily Dog
'Rejoice!' Margaret Thatcher
'What's your poison, John?' Harry Hardnose
Penguin 1982 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 14 00.6417 6
Maggie's Farm
Maggie's Farm: A visual record of the Thatcher years in living black and white.
'This book will change your life' Farmer's Weakly
'Stands head and shoulders above the rest' Daily Giraffe
Penguin 1981 (paperback)
ISBN: 0 14 00.6078 2